You can’t do that just because it’s raining

Picture_1_1Ok, I don’t have a picture of this, but I will do my best to describe. But first, a little background. It has been raining here a crap-load, no, I know, "But Amber, you live in Oregon, doesn’t it rain there all the time anyway." Why yes it does, but this is an insane amount. Usually it’s just drizzly and overcast most of the time, this is full on soak you to the bone wet rain. So last night I am watching the news. They have this overlay the weatherman puts over a little map of the valley. In the corner there is a chart, it’s like this: green = 1", light green 1.5" then it goes from yellow through orange to red. Now I forget the exact values for all of this, but here is what struck me: I’m looking at Salem and it’s frigin fuchsia, that’s right fuchsia. I’m like, "What, hey, do you guys see this, fuchsia isn’t even on that scale, on the chart, look, what the heck does fuchsia mean?" I’ve decided it basically means our city is going to drown. Or at least our golf course: Creekside Lakeside. Yup, it’s flooding real good.
      That was the background on the weather, now the background on the post office. See Sunday there was a rate change, you knew that right? 2 cents higher. I did not believe the friendly postal workers when they told me last week that this week would be busy. I thought, "how busy could it be?" CRAZYVILLE BUSY people, crazyville. Take this from some one who goes to the post office AT LEAST once a day, this is the busiest it’s ever been. Christmas? Oh no, that wasn’t bad, this SUCKS. I’d also like to make a suggestion. If you are going to require a new product to be purchased, then you should have the new product. It now takes 24 cents for each additional ounce, or for a postcard. Do they make 24 cent stamps yet, no. THEY DON’T MAKE 24 CENT STAMPS, BUT THEY REQUIRE THEM, AHHHHHH. So you could scream or you could laugh, and I went to the post office with a great attitude today, and boy did it pay off.
      So I park, it’s pouring, I’ve got my yellow rain jacket from gap kids on, whatever it takes right? I go into the post office get one of there carts and load all my packages into. I’m struggling with the cart (you know, since they don’t make them with handles or anything) and I see this girl my age come hustling up behind me, yes! Someone to open the door. But no, she goes "in through the out door, out door." (hehehe, couldn’t help myself, you know I love the Prince). So I’m like struggling with the door and this huge metal cart. As soon as she passes me I get the first glimpse. Her butt, I’m talking about her butt. She is dressed in VERY unflattering joggins with about three inches of sweatpant material shoved up her crack. Yup, wedgie city. But that’s not all, her ass has "baby girl" written in cursive. She’s got a handful of manila envelopes, none addressed or closed. Gosh I love these people who cut in line and don’t have anything filled out, but I guess God put her there so I could have some amusement while waiting in line. And I did. She proceeded to drop, among other things, a bunch of tampons out of her little purse. Not little O.b.s that could be mistaken for lip gloss at a glance from a boy, but big huge applicator tampons. I’m not horrible, I would have helped her, but we were in a tight space and I had the cart between us, so I couldn’t. When she got up she had a way worse wedgie than before and I got to see her sweatshirt: "Pimp University; 420; High Life" nice. Baby girl proceeded to a postal clerk and I went to the next one. Of course I got out of there first because I had everything filled out and ready to go. Moral of the story? 1)You should not be so high that you can’t feel a wad of material up your butt and 2)It’s nicer to let me go first, since I was there first, and then I won’t make fun of you on my blog and 3)I can’t stress this enough: FILL OUT YOUR PAPER WORK BEFORE YOU GET TO THE FRONT OF THE LINE!!!

I don’t think this would have been a very good paper because I don’t think I really got the point across that all this water is making people do/wear crazy things.

4 Replies to “You can’t do that just because it’s raining”

  1. lmao…guess we’re all having wonderful postal service days….
    if you don’t mind, here’s mine:
    sunday: go to usps.com print out postage, schedule a pick up for monday.
    monday 530 pm: mailman is two houses down from mine. i pull down my long driveway and watch to make sure that he pulls down my driveway after he makes it to my house. of course he doesn’t. so with my two year old on my hip, my mary poppins bag on my shoulder, i start walking up my 100+ feet driveway. i wait for him to go to the neighbors where he turns around at the dead end and heads back towards me. i start to yell letting him know that he has a pkg. to pick up. he proceeds to drive down the rest of my driveway on my arse while i am walking down it with two year old on hip, mary poppins bag, and high heel shoes i didn’t mention.
    to make an already long story a lil bit short, he picks up the box and i come home today to find it sitting on my porch again. guess he read the wrong address…grr…
    sorry for the novel 🙂

  2. Gotta love the rain……
    Now wedgies… that’s another matter!

  3. Aaaah, I love-a the rain! It rains a lot in Sheffield but it’s always the drizzly rubbish kind of rain. I love the (very) occasional big downpours we get. I am fairly jealous of you for having such nice weather. That said, the novelty might wear off after the first day of flooding and aquaplaning!
    Wedgies I cannot tolerate however.
    xxx

  4. LOL!!! Thanks for the laugh today 🙂 Great story.

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