Comence Total Breakdown

On_chair Okay so I can’t believe I’m putting this picture up here, since it’s me with absolutely no make up on (I usually don’t go out like this by the way). So I have a simple routine: foundation on certain spots, but not all over the face, dandelion powder (blush) on the apple of my cheeks, curl my eyelashes and comb my brows. Well after sitting in the chair for a while I finally got to see the make up she was working on. First she put concealer on me, then foundation everywhere, then fake lashes, then she shaved the ends of my eyebrows (I am soooo pissed about this because it is starting to grow out really weird, and it better grow all the way back out before the wedding). And of course eye make up, and lipstick, and plumper, and then airbrushing. I present the "done up" me:

Myface

Uh…. And this is about halfway through the process. I saw myself and I was like, ew. Uh, can we take off this lip stuff (it was seriously glossy), and I didn’t have much blush on which is like the one thing I need (I think). So I asked her to put more of it on. So now, I think you’re going to see this picture and say, "hey that looks good," or, "you need lots of make up for pictures" But this is not me. And after having the make up on for four hours I came home and was starting to take it off because it felt horrible, like a clay mask. It took me all the eye make up remover I own, three face washes, and three washcloths that turned brown with make up. I started to loose it and Bj happened to call at the same time and he got an earful of crying, impossible to understand Amber. The more I think about it, the more I don’t like it. I mean everyone I know will know that I don’t look perfect. I don’t need plumper lips, I’m perfectly happy with the ones I have. And I have pictures of myself with lots of makeup on (from a Sadie Hawkins dance in high school) and I hate those pictures because they are so not me. I don’t want to feel like that all night, uncomfortable in my own skin.

I started writing this a few days ago and since then have talked to my wonderful wedding planner about it and I am going to work with the make up artist to get more of the look I want. I was feeling like I wasn’t being a committed bride or something because I wasn’t willing to dye my hair and wear all this make up, but now I think I am being committed, to my own style and personality. I don’t want cookie cutter memories of my wedding. And I don’t want Bj to be afraid to kiss me or hold me close because he’s afraid I’ll leave a big makeup streak on his clothes or face. I’m also in Vermont now and being here with Ceara, Grant, and Bj is so so relaxing that it doesn’t seem like I have a trouble in the world. It helps too that we found a florist and cake maker before we left, so I’m feeling really good about the schedule of things. More later, just decided I should post this entry. Emee (my planner) said it’s perfectly normal to feel this way after a run through, that’s why we do them.

13 Replies to “Comence Total Breakdown”

  1. I was the same way as you. I was adamant that my eyes look natural and no crazy eye shadow or eye liner. I made them redo it about seven times before I was happy with it!!

  2. hey sweetie! I think we’ve all been there. I had no trial run through with my hair. I went to the salon a few months before my wedding and told them what I wanted. on the DAY of my wedding, she came to the place I was staying and started doing my hair – NOT how I had told her. she TEASED it. I freaked. I bawled. on my wedding DAY. so I guess, be glad you are doing it before!!! and then I wanted real roses in my hair and at first they told me ‘no’, they’ll wilt. thankfully, they backed off and I got my real roses. 🙂
    as for makeup. i had a friend do it. she was selling mary kay – so i trusted her. went to her place, we did a run-through. she did something that freaked me out, like coloring my eyebrows (because I refused to let her pluck them!!) but i was thankfully able to tell her what I really DID NOT LIKE and she fixed it. you can hardly even tell I’ve got on makeup in my pics – and well, that’s me through and through.
    so no worries. rant. get it all out now and you’ll be fine on your big day! 🙂

  3. WOW, Amber! I know you hated it and you felt gross with all that on, but you looked absolutely amazing. The photo is stunning (not what you wanted to hear right)!

  4. Stay true to what you want. I did my own makeup. I don’t wear a lot. And the pictures looked the same as if I did. If you have a good photographer it shouldn’t make much difference. You will radiate the day of your wedding. Something a makeup trial just won’t show.
    Every makeup artist has put the makeup on my wrong. For my brother’s wedding the girl said oh your top and bottom lips are different sizes. So she made the top one bigger (you know like in the soaps.) When she was done I looked like I was stung by a bee. Definately went back to my room and redid that. Like I want to be remembered in his wedding pictures with lips that were not mine.
    Good luck. And don’t do anything that is going to add stress.
    Sam

  5. Vermont? What are you doing in Vermont? 🙂

  6. Glad you’re getting a little down time in Vermont, just what you needed to pull yourself back together. While the makeup looked way over done without the camera, it looks great in the photograph. I will admit that it is a bit made-up… so maybe something in between. You’re wearing something very special on your big day, not your everyday skirt with knee-highs, so you might want to reflect that. No doubt you will look beautiful regardless of what you do.
    Have fun in Vermont!

  7. You look gorgeous with the makeup, movie-star gorgeous (young Jane Fonda).
    But you know what, I love the way you look without it, and I think the reasons you don’t want to look like someone you aren’t are totally appropriate. I always enjoy reading your view on life; even when you’re freaked out. You are so funny, and I almost always smile while reading your posts.

  8. I think the picture looked fine. You look glamorous. But all the glam in the world ain’t good if it feels like a mask.
    Be true to yourself….You’re truly beautiful and don’t NEED make-up, but speaking as a photographer, the flash is brutal and you need a little something for balance.
    Enjoy Vermont….and remember, during all of this planning, BREATHE. What matters is that you’re marrying the man you love. THAT matters. Make-up doesn’t.

  9. Amber – Your wedding day is absolutely all about you and your (the collecting “your” – you and BJ) individuality. Not knowing you personally (just from IRW and reading your blog), I was still a bit surprised that you were all made up like this! You will look beautiful on your wedding day regardless of how much make up that you have on, so make it your own style. Sounds like things are settling down for you as far as the planning goes. This is great as it allows you to enjoy this time and have fun at your own wedding!

  10. Do your own make up. I like the way you do it. Also, you are paying the make up artist to do what YOU want. So tell her, be fussy (and polite as ever of course) and get them to re-do bits you don’t like. If she wants a practice model she can pay you!
    I’m very excited for you. MWOAH!

  11. I am absolutely in favout of the “natural option” and my respect for you grows because you feel like that about artificiality. Enjoy Vermont!

  12. Have you tried Bare Escentuals makeup?? This stuff SERIOUSLY rocks. I have a friend who hates liquid foundation, but loves this stuff. It is really just a mix of 5 minerals that you buff onto your face with a brush, and it covers super well and it does not have that cakey feel that foundation usually does. You need to really try this stuff. They say you can even sleep in it, it is that good for your face!! They sell it at Sephora, but if you are ever in Seattle, there is actually a B.E. store in Bellevue Square Mall. ((It actually might appeal to the artist in you, because the store is darling, with chandeliers and mirrors, and all the eye colors and cheek colors fill a table down the middle of the store–these sweet little pots of every color in the rainbow, all on tiered rounds. Looks like an artist’s palette!)) Okay, now that I have sounded like a spokesperson for this company, I will stop. (But I really think you should give it a try!!) 🙂
    http://www.bareescentuals.com/ (in case you want to check it out…) 😉

  13. I totally agree with your mom. The makeup may have looked over done in real life but I thought you looked beautiful in the photo. The makeup she gave you was a the ‘sophisticated elegant’ look and it may not be what you are used to but it definitely made you look “grown up.” Also, i think for a black tie wedding you need to play up the ‘sophisticated glamour’ up a bit. It is a special day for you and I’m sure you will find what’s best (maybe tone the lips down a bit.)

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