Hospital Knitting

Thank you so much for all your kind words. Grandpa is doing okay. He doesn’t have a feeding tube, but something called TPN. The nurses described it to me as proteins, fats and vitamins in their most basic form. It goes right into a main vein and enters his blood stream. It skips his digestive system, which is good because that system seems to be working against him. The terrible thing is sitting with him and having him ask over and over for something to drink or eat. He made a list today: brick of cheese, white bread slices…. I asked if he wanted a sandwich, he nodded yes. I was able to have to the nurse print out a picture of a throat and how it works and why he can’t have anything (he aspirates it into his lungs). After that he didn’t ask me for anything. And his doctor actually wrote an order for him to have his mouth swabbed with Diet Coke. Swabbing is common to keep the mouth from feeling too dry, and I guess Diet Coke is good for breaking up phlegm. Grandpa doesn’t seem that impressed, he’d rather gulp it down. The good thing about grandpa being naughty and pulling out tubes and drinking things he shouldn’t is that he now is on 24 hour 1 on 1. So there is always someone with him in his room. Just sitting with him. He doesn’t sleep much. He does stuff like this:

To keep himself busy. He’s writing lots of notes as it is still hard for him to talk. My mom can attest to his cuteness with these notes. He wrote her a series of them when she visited with me this evening.
"Nice to see you again."
"You’re so cute."
"39" (when asked what he thought her age was)
"I could wrap you up and take you home." (we were laughing so hard at this, and so was grandpa).
He asked for a picture of my mom and I to have in his room, so I’ll bring him one tomorrow. Bj’s on a business trip so we set up the iChat and had grandpa and him "chat" He wrote out notes and then I’d read them.
"Dear grandson, I love you more than anything."
That got me, but I’ve been good at being upbeat in his room. I usually cry because I don’t want to go before hand, and then cry after. But sometimes I cry there, like when I gave him these socks.

He was so excited. They are the ones I had given to Bj due to my major mis-calculations. I stuck my feet up because he said, what about mine. So I said these are yours, and these are mine see:

He got a kick out of that. I finished these socks actually in the car, as grandpa is quite busy in the room and I don’t actually get that much knitting done.

That’s my bedroom floor if you want to know how the rest of my life is going. πŸ™‚ Chaos. Seriously. My mom even bought me ice cream. My mom likes health food and doesn’t eat much bad stuff at all. Cooks all her meals (mmm mom make me some stew), so you can tell she feels for me when she says the Ben and Jerry’s is on her. Then I put two mini Butterfingers in there to make it extra terrible for me and baby. Bj and I have been going to our Bradley classes and I had to fill out my food plan for the week. "Yes," I told my teacher, "lunch that day really was four mini milkyways." (side note, mini candy bars never seem as bad as the big ones, right?). Not exactly hitting the million grams of protein that I’m supposed to aim for. I’m sorry baby, Mama still loves you lots. I still haven’t had a Diet Coke, do I get bonus points for that? I can’t eat or drink in grandpa’s room because that would be evil, so I tend to do the stuff my face thing later.

Speaking of the baby… It moves around enough that I feel it a few times a day. Not as much as it was on our trip, I don’t know if stress mellows it out or what. I’m beginning to feel a bit of a panic with not having anything really ready. Thank god I have boobs, otherwise I might really be freaking out. I went over to my moms for a second Sunday (to mooch food of course) and she had pulled out my old cradle. She’s going to fix it up for me, get a new mattress, make a bumper, all that so the baby will have some where to sleep. Of course where will we put that thing, I have no idea. I have a baby car seat (thank V!). I’m knitting a blanket, and I did manage to register at the cutest little baby place before chaos really hit. Sooo cute, check out the little site they made me. I figure we have the diapers picked out, so if it comes down to it we’ll just place a big order and rush it. I have a sling already from my step mom, so if we don’t get a stroller for a while we should manage (although I was going to use the bassinet on the one we picked out for next to the bed). And I just realized the diaper bag that we both decided would be cool enough to carry is out of stock everywhere in the color combo (Ogo) that I wanted. πŸ™ If anyone sees this would they let me know? Note to self, maybe waiting on everything isn’t the best idea. Grandpa is being terribly cute about baby. He asked for pictures of it (ultrasound) for his room, so those are up now. He always says bye to baby. It’s not just my hormones, some of the nurses have teared up at that too. I don’t know what I’ll think when I look back to this time in my life. I think that’s why I have to write it all down. Because it’s a lot to take and fast and slow at the same time. I still remember getting grandpa his first track suit. Time is something I may never fully understand. Big love to all those in blogland sending their wishes. Happy things for you as well!!!

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  1. I love the picture of the two of you in your matching socks!! Adorable!! He’s very lucky to have you guys.

  2. Amber, I don’t know how you’re keeping all this together. Grandpa is very lucky to have the two of you. Just remember to take care of yourself through all this too. Don’t panic about not having everything ready for baby. All he or she really needs is some warm clothes and blanket, milk, a safe place to sleep, and you and BJ. Everything else will fall into place. I’m sure it’s easy to be overwhelmed by all the cute things there are to buy for baby (mine is 13 now, so it’s hard to remember) but lots of that is just cute, not necessary. I do remember some of the cutest things I thought I had to have, I hardly ever used. Take care, and a little ice cream and a diet coke here or there won’t hurt a thing!

  3. Thanks for letting me visit Grandpa with you last night. Witnessing first hand how wonderful you are with him brought tears to my eyes. You have a special gift, then to hear you say you haven’t had much time for your friends made me realize how thoughtful you really are. I really must try to be more like you. And that stew is on it’s way. Can’t forget to say… LOVE THE SOCKS!

  4. yours and mine socks.
    now you just have to make baby a pair too.
    would grandpa help/learn to stitch a few so that he could be a part of those??

  5. Diapers, carseat (and nap place, sit on table and oggle parent place), blankets, place to sleep and sling. You are more than ready! (In those first early weeks *grin* the diaper bag is more to hold a spare shirt for mom than anything else. Tis always good to keep a spare shirt for both parents in the car later too – burping babes, and blowouts – and a few of those crazy stain remover things in the little grab and go pouches.) All the big bulky stuff comes later thank goodness. πŸ™‚
    The matching socks are awesome! You can tell Grandpa he gets to play the roll of the Grinch at Christmas – think he would like Jim Carey?

  6. Aw, Amber. I went through a lot of the same things with my mom before she passed and I know how heart wrenching it is. I’m sending good thoughts your way. You did the right thing with the socks. Is a cradle the same thing as a crib? If so, I have a little mattress spring I can send your way if you need that piece for your cradle (yeah, it’s random, I know). Let me know if you do in fact need it and either way, hang in there. Grandpa is fortunate to have you and BJ in his life and you will look back on this time later and know you did the right things by being there for him as you have been. You are a wonderful person, wife, granddaughter, and you will be a wonderful mommy!

  7. LOVE the matching socks πŸ™‚ It sounds like you are doing a great job of showering him with love.

  8. The ‘I seem to always take these’ double foot matching socks photo is fantastic, and how nice for grandpa to have the comfort of a hand knit pair of socks in hospital. I think you are fantastic and deserve all your wonderful family. Huge Hug!

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