While we were away on our trip I mentioned that Bj’s mom had come to stay at our place and hang out with grandpa at the hospital. This worked out great, grandpa got a little better and was in a regular room. He is still there, and the beginning of this week things were looking up (all of these picture are from the 30th, I started off the week thinking I would join Ali in her week in the life challenge, didn’t get to it, but so glad I took these at least). Grandpa was talking to us, and telling us over and over that he wanted a diet coke. But he was not so glad when we gave him this:
The thickener takes away all the carbonation and I think some of the taste. It turns it into diet coke sludge. No wonder it didn’t really quench his thirst. The reason he was on these thickened foods was because the pneumonia he had last week was caused by aspirating food or liquid into his lungs. So they did a swallow test on him, that showed he didn’t do well with pure liquid. He was not a fan of purees and the like, so Bj and I had to talk him into them, and basically distract him so he’d eat. 
That’s Bj feeding him. Grandpa’s on an air bed, because he was getting a little bed sore. At this point we were still working on his main goal:
Mmm I want a diet coke too! Then on Wednesday night Bj went to back to visit him (I was doing daytime visits). He brought him a Boost. Loaded it up with thickener and then put some ice in it. Grandpa actually said, "this is some good ice cream." So we really thought we were on to something. The next day when we showed up things were spiraling downward. Somehow he had gotten a hold of a whole thing of what they thought was regular Boost, but it had been so thicken we couldn’t figure out how he got it thin. Finally when we were leaving we realized that he must have some how reached way over to grab the ice cup (which was now melted) and poured it into the thickened Boost. He then drank all of that down into his lungs. So he was put on no food or drink until he had another swallow test (where they give you barium (sp?) to swallow and then x-ray you to see where it went to). He failed it. So no more food. At the same time all of this was traumatic to his whole throat area and his ability to talk quickly fade to whispery grunts. We don’t want to prolong his life just because (and he does not want to be on tubes). But we did want to try to get him on a feeding tube through his nose to give him a little more energy because he was really hungry. We just got a call this morning that he had pulled it out. 
Now we’re not going to force the issue, it’s what he wants. I’m an emotional wreck, seriously. Every time I go in there I can’t help but burst into tears. I want to be able to handle it and talk to him and be upbeat, but I loose it, every time. We gave grandpa a sharpie and notepad. He’s been writing while were gone, "gimme my diet coke" "I love you kids all 100%" "where’s Bj?" Knowing that someone is close to the end and there is nothing you can do? It’s terrible. I wish I could have a better outlook on it. He’s so sweet now, every time I come. He wants to touch my belly (and though I’m not a big fan of that, of course I let him). He spent last night checking out my new socks, which he got a huge kick out of. Then pointed to his feet, wanting to know when he was getting his. And I don’t know. If I start them he may never get to wear them, because we don’t know how long he can be like this. I hate to see him in pain. I don’t want to pray for him, he would probably dislike that more than anything, but I do wish good things, and pain free days and a happy ending, or as happy as it can be.
Celebrating crafts, kids and the everyday through photographs.
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19 comments on The update I’ve been putting off
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This was the third year I attended the awesome Oregon Flock and Fiber Festival. I went with my awesome neighbor Tracy and her friend Kathy the day after we got back from our trip. It’s my big stock up day for the year basically (although I did sign up for the Hello Yarn Fiber Club… could not resist). The festival is not even an hour away and it was a beautiful day to go. I had some side pain so I couldn’t go see the animals, but I did get the important shopping done first, thank goodness!
This is all of our stuff… NOT JUST MINE. 🙂 But a lot of it is mine. I felt better once I had a little fiber in my bag, the place was crowded. Of course as Tracy said I "could part the red sea with my belly" too true! I use my belly, I admit it. Here is some of my fibery goodness.
It’s all up individually by colorway on my flickr page. I did want to get more fiber in each color way instead of my usual crazy "oooh this looks pretty I"ll take a little of this little of that" shopping that I do there. I went right away to find the awesome one pound bumps that I got last year. I snagged one:
When I picked it up the woman at the booth said, "oh that must be one of the last ones my mom dyed." I asked her if her mom had stopped dying and she said she passed away in March. So now I’m thinking I must do justice to this fiber, I’m going to think of something epic for it. Her daughter will still carry on the business, but just had solid/semi solids dyed up this year. It’s weird I didn’t get much green this year, even Tracy commented on it. I was really drawn to warm colors.
And I can’t wait to see how they spin up. Though I haven’t forgotten that if I want a maternity sweater before I have the baby I need to finish spinning up the other big batch of fiber. I can’t believe I’m going into the last trimester, WHAT? But more on that later. I have been knitting some of my handspun. I gave the socks another go, messed with the numbers and tried to tap into some knitter intuition, which I’m not sure I have a lot of. Either way they are going to fit:
But tightly. I maybe should have listened to the master numbers a little bit more, but I think they’ll work.
I just have to do the cuffs (I think a simple rib) and then I’ll need a new project for the chair:
Grandpa just called to check on me since I haven’t been in today. I’m a bit under the weather and Bj has our car so I’m not going to visit him until this evening. He said okay, "he just wanted to make sure I was alright." And then left me with a "love ya darling." awe…. -
Yes, I’m alive! I made it back form Learnfest, which was awesome. Unfortunately when you come home, often you have to get back into real life and that’s exactly what happened, and that real life happened to be a my-side-hurts-grandpa-doing-bad-remodel-drama mess. I can’t possibly do all that in one post anyway, so I’ll start with the awesomeness. And that was my trip. It was exactly what Bj and I need, to get away. Super fantastic bonus? I learned lots and lots and lots. And I’m so excited to get my photography business really going. If I could just put everything else on hold I would, but this growing bump pushing my stomach through my throat is telling me that soon life will not be just up to me. And other stuff, but back to dreamland where I slept, ate, and breathed photography. The place was beautiful, and Bj got to relax and golf while I took classes. They were mostly business focused with some hands on shooting stuff which was fun:
these two are from my first shoot. There were 16 other photographers shadowing the awesome Tamara Lackey, so it was a bit crowded. But so fun to see how she works.
For the other hands on shoot we went out to the beach, it was super windy, but the light was perfect:
Beautiful. The little blond boy was oh so cute.
I couldn’t believe how well he handled all these women shooting him, he was great. And mom’s in for a treat because the awesome Audrey Woulard taught this class.So Learnfest was great. I’m so glad I went. I have to admit that before I went I figured, at least I’d be getting away. I just did not feel prepared for it after spending a week and a half with grandpa at the hospital and trying to get the remodel started, my plate was feeling really full. But it was more than a getaway. And traveling for the most part was good. Actually the plane was not even bad because we used Bj’s frequent flier miles to go first class. I looooove first class, and so did baby who kicked and wiggled almost the whole flight, so hard that Bj felt it easily. I got up and moved a bunch (per midwife’s instructions), and drank a bunch of water so I think that helped. The hardest thing for me was still driving, as we actually stayed in four different places on this trip. It’s such a bummer because you know I love road trips, but I think I’m done until after the baby comes. I can’t get comfortable and the rib thing gets unbearable.
Our last day at Learnfest the weather took a turn, and by the time we got to Wrightsville beach this was outside our hotel:
Yes, the local news station was broadcasting weather at the beach outside the hotel. It was so windy. I’m sure it’s nothing as it was only 35 sustained, and gust up to 65, but to us it was crazy. I wanted to get more pictures but I could only stay out for two seconds before everything was drenched, the rain was coming every which way. We did have a bright spot on that day though, the best lunch ever!
I know what you’re thinking, "Amber you hate Italian food." Technically that is true, it’s my least favorite ethnic food group, but I do love sausage. And sweet things, and Sciarrino. Wait? Sciarrino? Yes, her super nice and funny uncle owns this deli and it is soooo yummy. I’m not just saying that because he stuffed us with lunch as well as a couple of insanely good Italian desserts. If you live near here at all (Wilmington, NC), you must check it out. The place was packed (and the weather was so nasty I couldn’t believe anyone was out), so I know I’m not alone here. It’s also laid out really cool inside with a big wall of imported Italian things. All the cans and packages have fabulous labels and if I lived near there I might have had to stock up to try making something Italian.After our night there we drove to Raleigh to catch our first leg of our flight home. It wasn’t bad. Then we had a longish layover in Atlanta, but that wasn’t bad because we got to go into the Delta lounge, so it was fairly quite and relaxing. The last leg to Portland was too long for me and I sort of started to loose it. I didn’t want to walk around and I could not get comfortable. My side was just screaming at me. It was so nice to get home and sleep in our (displaced) bed. Bj’s mom had stayed at our house over the week, but spent her days at the hospital, so it was super clean and tidy. She laid down all the paper for the construction works and covered our couches. But we did realize right away we were into remodel chaos. There was a fine layer of dust over everything, and we had no electricity in half the house. But more on that later.
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