Okay so I can’t believe I’m putting this picture up here, since it’s me with absolutely no make up on (I usually don’t go out like this by the way). So I have a simple routine: foundation on certain spots, but not all over the face, dandelion powder (blush) on the apple of my cheeks, curl my eyelashes and comb my brows. Well after sitting in the chair for a while I finally got to see the make up she was working on. First she put concealer on me, then foundation everywhere, then fake lashes, then she shaved the ends of my eyebrows (I am soooo pissed about this because it is starting to grow out really weird, and it better grow all the way back out before the wedding). And of course eye make up, and lipstick, and plumper, and then airbrushing. I present the "done up" me:

Uh…. And this is about halfway through the process. I saw myself and I was like, ew. Uh, can we take off this lip stuff (it was seriously glossy), and I didn’t have much blush on which is like the one thing I need (I think). So I asked her to put more of it on. So now, I think you’re going to see this picture and say, "hey that looks good," or, "you need lots of make up for pictures" But this is not me. And after having the make up on for four hours I came home and was starting to take it off because it felt horrible, like a clay mask. It took me all the eye make up remover I own, three face washes, and three washcloths that turned brown with make up. I started to loose it and Bj happened to call at the same time and he got an earful of crying, impossible to understand Amber. The more I think about it, the more I don’t like it. I mean everyone I know will know that I don’t look perfect. I don’t need plumper lips, I’m perfectly happy with the ones I have. And I have pictures of myself with lots of makeup on (from a Sadie Hawkins dance in high school) and I hate those pictures because they are so not me. I don’t want to feel like that all night, uncomfortable in my own skin.

I started writing this a few days ago and since then have talked to my wonderful wedding planner about it and I am going to work with the make up artist to get more of the look I want. I was feeling like I wasn’t being a committed bride or something because I wasn’t willing to dye my hair and wear all this make up, but now I think I am being committed, to my own style and personality. I don’t want cookie cutter memories of my wedding. And I don’t want Bj to be afraid to kiss me or hold me close because he’s afraid I’ll leave a big makeup streak on his clothes or face. I’m also in Vermont now and being here with Ceara, Grant, and Bj is so so relaxing that it doesn’t seem like I have a trouble in the world. It helps too that we found a florist and cake maker before we left, so I’m feeling really good about the schedule of things. More later, just decided I should post this entry. Emee (my planner) said it’s perfectly normal to feel this way after a run through, that’s why we do them.

Dude! Wedding planning can be a bitch! No seriously, what is with all these things coming up? I can’t even believe I managed to get a newsletter out last night, it’s a miracle. So I spent all of Friday and Saturday working on wedding stuff. Friday my mom and I went up to Portland so I could go to meetings (florist, church, coordinator, etc). Those went pretty well. I wasn’t too keen on the florist, so I’ve lined up more meetings. I would rather get a crapload of candles than pay a fortune for so so flowers. The best news is that WE GOT A CHURCH!! I guess god does love us after all (ha, I always knew he did, just being a bit dramatic). We are going with first Presbyterian. Soooo expensive, which is a huge bummer, considering we only have 30 people coming in total, so we could have gone with a smaller church. But the coolest part for me is being married in a Presbyterian church since I was raised in one. They will not allow my childhood pastor to ordain the ceremony, but I love the pastor we are having, and to top it off, it’s a woman, how cool is that? She said some couples choose not to marry there if she is the pastor on rotation because of that, what the??!?! Talk about backwards. Anyway she grew up here in Salem, and Bj and I really felt connected to her, which was important.

After all the meetings we went to Oblation as it was closing to pick up the RSVP cards. And as I was looking at them I realized the designed had been centered on the page, instead of justified to the bottom, so we had to come back on Saturday. I was coming back anyway to go to a bunch of other appointments, so we just left earlier. And we brought Sciarrino who designed them and has been such a great support helping me with so much. Luckily it was agreed that it was their mistake and I just got a call that they have already been reprinted. I had to get more of the custom paper I bought so they are going to reimburse me for that. I won’t sing all their praises until I pick them up, but I’m very pleased they took responsibility for the mistake. Oh and they must have thought the design was as kick ass as I think it is because they used the plate to print notecards for themselves (we noticed them on their desks when we were looking at the file).  You’ll see why when I scan one in. Sciarrino and I are very different as artists, but we are both really detail orientated which is why I love her style.

Now on to those shoes, those lovely, gorgeous, impossible to find shoes. I’m not giving up on finding them, so if you see a pair let me know! But I did order a different pair of sling-backs because I’m getting too nervous time wise. I have to have them dyed after all. I wanted a pair of Manolo Blahniks in that Carolyne style that Alison mentioned. Actually when I went to Saks they randomly had a pair someone had returned in my size, even though they don’t sell the shoe there. The shoes looked like they had been worn all night and were really dinged up, but I was willing to roll with it since I am going to dye them, if I could get the right price. They’re like 425 dollars regularly, and they would only give me a 15% discount, which is so lame because seriously anyone who could afford that would buy them new. And like who are they going to sell them to? I could go on and on, but I did get cute ones from the bridal boutique were I got my dress. I also saw Sciarrino’s bridesmaid dress on her, and she was smokin! Don’t forget male readers that she is single! I’m sure that status is not going to last once she’s in the dress. I am being a pretty nice bride if I do say so myself (hello puffy sleeves?).

We also got my wedding day robe (it’s so cute, check out my picture of the day yesterday), my wedding night outfit (what do you call it mom?) – ohh la la, and green underwear to wear under my dress, of course! We sampled more cake (um, not finding good cake, so hopefully Thursday’s appointment will be the winner), got a honeymoon dress, and met another stamp guy. I’m going to go back to him after I get some of the combinations together, but I can’t go Thursdays or Fridays because hes "out in the field" LOL!!! Who knew there was a stamp "field"? I suppose he means auctions, estate sales and such, but still funny. Anyway he was really nice and ran out to the car as we were leaving to give me the commemorative duck stamp calender for this year, so if anyone needs one…

Sunday my mom came to help me work. She’s been so awesome people. Before she left she cooked up an awesome soup so I’d have something healthy to eat. Nothing like trying on undergarments to get you back into healthy eating mode, right? I have a bunch of work to cram in before I leave for Vermont, so don’t expect a lot of crafting. Oh, ya, I’m going to Vermont. Bj and I are going to see Ceara (my maid matron of honor) and her husband. Before that I have no less than six more wedding related appointments in Portland, as well as a meeting with my mom’s friend who is hopefully going to do our calligraphy for us. She said if she liked her style she would do it as a wedding gift. Is that not the sweetest thing? We think it’s so cool she has an amazing skill that she can give. My mom and I are now contemplating calligraphy lessons of our own. In anticipation of this I’ve typed out the guest list and proper titles and addresses. Not that quick of a task. And it’s involved tracking a few people down.

I divvied up the list and set everyone on hunts. My mom came back with some sad news. An all time favorite family of ours growing up was our neighbors three houses up on our old block. The house was a sweet mom, cool dad, and super rad daughters. Their youngest was our babysitter and has always been my inspiration when I’m with children. She the fun one who listened to us, played with us, ran around with us, and did everything, unlike the babysitter that got play-dough thrown at her head because she wouldn’t get off the phone with her boyfriend. Danielle introduced us to Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (which I then introduced to my favorite duo, Nick and Lacey). When my parent’s went out of town she saved our little stipend and let us each spend a little bit at Toys R Us, of course the whole fun was just going there. The whole family was great, and were always my best Girl Scout Cookie customers. We moved away, Danielle became a nurse, and other sisters married. One of her sisters has an adorable family including a little girl named Claire who this summer was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I spent last night reading all of the blog they started for her, and she just seems to have the most amazing spirit. Her grandma (who my mom talked to when she was getting Danielle’s address – see I can relate this story back) has barely been home since it happened. The whole family has rallied around her. They may not be able to come to the wedding because of this, but will be in my thoughts and prayers every night. It sure brings me back down to earth about silly little wedding things. I’m going to try hard to just breath and remember that life is precious, and more wonderful than not.