By the time I finish posting this it will be my birthday, and I will be 27 years old. To give you an example of how much I’ve changed here I am 20 years ago:
Some where in between there I had to work on an "about me" project for my eighth grade English class. Here was my finished project.
I really liked to go above and beyond on these types of projects and made a replica of my much loved back pack as the covers of the book. I opened up the zippered pocket today and it was complete with mini Hello Kitty pens and pencils. Anyway we had to choose from a list of projects and put them together in this book. I have a sampling for you. Here is how I described myself:
I love the people person graphic, check out the necks on those guys! So that’s what I thought of myself. And a lot of those still hold true for me. I wonder how I would change it now I’m a Garrison. Hmm, it’s hard to think of things like this. I guess that’s why I added a ‘most of the time’ and ‘kind of’! Here’s another project, a joint time line. Things that have happened/and made up future stuff:
Can you read that? Basically I’m a super star actress/archaeologist/philanthropist/contractor who has 10 kids in the span of 5 years (scared Bj?). Oh ya and I win lots of Oscars and travel the world in a balloon. And my kids are geniuses who star in movie with me. Right… because that’s a totally feasible future. I do like that I gave myself eight years to finish college, and until 2009 to get married, I have both those beat!
So life. I’ve been thinking about getting older, not really because of this birthday, more because of hanging out with grandpa so much I think. It’s hard to talk to him sometimes, so set in his ways. His mind made up about things that make no sense to me. Like telling me my house is old (1940s) and there for worthless to invest in. Saying that things aren’t worth anything any more, that everyone wants to take advantage of everyone. When it boils down to it grandpa is frail and weak. He’s 87 years old and only has his grandson and me for company. I’m happy to know him, and I’m sure my life is more affected by this fact than I may even know. But it’s sad, so so sad to me that his life is what it is now. I’ve never been good around the elderly and I don’t want to fear growing old. I want to embrace my life one day at a time. I want to look back on fond memories but leave them there and move on. I want each day to be better and I really think it can be. I want to surround myself with family and friends, and things that I love just like I did when I was little.
There are many things I know now that I could tell my 13 year old self to make it easier for her to get where I am. But I never would because I wouldn’t be me. Even the things I wish I could have changed I don’t call real regrets. My grandmother had a birthday party days before she died and I didn’t go. I can’t remember why now, her mind was gone and I had other things to do I guess. It’s sad that I didn’t go but I don’t regret it, because I will never say no to another opportunity like that with out thinking about all the consequences.
I’m so glad my parents had a stressful thanksgiving vacation almost 28 years ago and made me. I love being alive. I love my husband, my family, my friends. I’m crying right now, but I’m not sad. I just don’t understand how I got it so good. And I don’t know how I am going to pay karma back and do enough good things so I grow old to be surrounded by lots of love and not all alone. I suppose I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to figure that out.